


If These Wings Could Fly

by TowardTheStars



Series: Elemental [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angel Wings, Angst, Attempted Murder, Bullying, Cancer, Canon Compliant, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood, Coming of Age, Death Eaters, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drama, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Flying, Hogwarts, Loss of Innocence, M/M, Poverty, Redemption, Romance, Substance Abuse, Teenagers, Unrequited Love, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27803068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TowardTheStars/pseuds/TowardTheStars
Summary: Severus Snape has wings.Or a broken boy and his fall from grace.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore & Severus Snape, Eileen Prince & Severus Snape, Eileen Prince/Tobias Snape, James Potter & Severus Snape, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy & Severus Snape, Severus Snape & Tobias Snape, Severus Snape & Voldemort, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Series: Elemental [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069670
Comments: 11
Kudos: 47





	If These Wings Could Fly

**Author's Note:**

> The premise is simple, the story far more complex. This was initially intended as a one-shot, but it grew too long so I split it into chapters. I anticipate about 10 chapters by the time I finish this. 
> 
> The title is from Wings by Birdy - the song of this story. 
> 
> Warnings: child abuse, domestic violence, child neglect.

When it starts, Ma throws him into his tiny room, hisses at him to stay quiet, and slams the door shut behind him. His father is to be home soon, and he is not to disturb him.

He lies on his thread-bare mattress and hugs onto the torn teddy bear he had found in a dumpster. He cries out in fear as the prickling on the skin of his back intensifies and worsens and makes him think he is going to die.

He has to bite against his fist to smother his scream at the worsening pain. He feels something start to rip out through his shoulder blades, something bony and large that tears apart the tender flesh of his back.

He screams and screams and thinks it is death.

**********

He wakes with a gaping pit in his stomach and cries out weakly against the hunger. He opens his eyes blearily, wincing at the sharp rays of sunlight that pierce through his window. He curls up on the bed, knees drawn up to his chest, and cries softly from the deep aching pain in his back.

It feels like his father’s beatings, the belt cracking across his skin, but worse. Deeper. Like his spine has cracked and his shoulder blades have split open. He doesn’t know what to do but lie still and wait for it to pass.

He drifts in and out of consciousness for a while until he hears his door creak open and a muttered curse. He hears someone cross the room – light footsteps so it has to be Ma. He tries to turn to face her, but something heavy weighs on his back and won’t allow him to turn fully.

He slits his eyes, crying out weakly at the gutting pang of hunger. He hopes Ma will bring him some bread or maybe some crackers if he’s lucky. He feels her hand press against his sweat-soaked face, and he tries to meet her eyes.

She strokes his cheek and then helps him sit up, pushing on his shoulder so that he leans forward, knees pressing into his chest. She examines his back, hand firm on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” she whispers, running a hand over his sweaty hair.

“‘Ungry, Ma,” he croaks, coughing against his sore throat. He wraps his arms around his legs and holds them tight to his chest. She shushes him and leaves, returning to hand him a loaf of staling bread. He eats it quickly, careful not to waste any crumbs.

Ma continues to pet his hair, sitting silently as she waits for him to finish. It’s not enough, never enough, but he can’t ask for more.

“Is Pa home?” he asks while she strokes around the curve of his ear. He still feels far too weak, so he leans into her chest. She wraps an arm around him, careful not to touch his back.

“He’ll be home soon,” she answers. “Does it hurt?”

He nods and shudders against her, desperate for it to stop. However, he knows pain like this doesn’t just disappear. It will stay and stay for a while.

“Ma, what happened?” he whispers, frightened. It had fallen upon him suddenly, the splitting pain. He had been helping Ma prepare a potion when he had collapsed, clutching at his back.

Ma sighs and strokes his hair. “I don’t know. But we’ll…we’ll have to hide it, child.”

He sniffs, wiping at his nose. “Hide what?” he asks, the weight on his back growing heavier.

“The…” Ma pauses, and then pulls away. She clasps his cheeks in her hands and stares him dead in his eyes. “Your wings, Severus. Your wings.”

**********

It hurts to hide them. He’s always hurting, now that he thinks about it. Between Pa’s beatings and the hunger and the cold, pain has turned into a friend of sorts.

He likes to think of it as a friend. Not a very kind friend, but a friend nonetheless.

He doesn’t have many friends to speak of.

Ma didn’t know what to do at first. His wings remained raw and tender, and any attempt to shift them resulted in him muffling screams.

He had to hide in his room, Ma lying and saying that he had fallen sick. Pa didn’t bother him, and Severus wondered if he could be sick more often. He could fake a cough, he thinks. It wouldn’t be too hard.

After about a week, Ma is able to move them. At this point, he has craned his neck enough to sprain it.

The wings fascinate him, and he hopes it’s part of his magic. Maybe Ma has them too, he thinks. Maybe all the wizards and witches do! Maybe it proves he can go to Hogwarts!

Ma tells him no. No one else has them. It’s an ancient family curse, she thinks, even though she admits she doesn’t truly know.

However, that doesn’t matter now, she stresses. What matters now is that _no one_ else can know. If they do, they’ll take him away or they’ll cut them off or they’ll use him for horrible things.

But the wizards-?

No, Ma says. Even worse. They will try to use you. They will prey on you. _No one_ can know.

Severus agrees.

Still, he thinks they’re beautiful in a way. They’re black, he first notices, which he finds strange. In the church Pa takes him, the angels all have white wings. He doesn’t know any with black, which makes him worry. Pa says he’s a bad boy, so maybe he’s a bad angel? He hopes not – he had tried extra hard to be good lately, getting Pa his beers when he wants them and not making any sound.

He doesn’t want to be a bad angel. He wishes the wings were white.

They jut out of his shoulder blades, arching upwards and then falling downwards. They stretch out to about his wrists, but he thinks they will grow with him. He wonders if he can fly with them, but Ma doesn’t let him leave the house.

The feathers have a sheen, and he likes wrapping them around himself. They keep him warm, and since they don’t have enough money to buy him another blanket, he is grateful for their existence. It also makes him feel like someone is holding him, which he likes. Almost like another friend, he thinks.

Ma hates them. They frighten her, mostly over what will be done to him if anyone finds out. She manhandles them, pressing them down against his back and trying to wrap bindings around them to hold them down.

It works, but it hurts. With a few other spells, Severus once again becomes a wingless boy.

He doesn’t like it, but he knows better than to argue with Ma.

**********

Pa finds out when he tries to beat him for stepping on an empty beer can. The resulting metallic crunch had seemed to resonate throughout the room, jolting Pa from his drunken stupor.

Severus panics but knows better than to run.

He had run once, and when he returned – and he had to return, he couldn’t leave Ma – Pa had hurt him so badly that Severus can still feel the phantom pain in his bones.

He watches as Pa stands, unbuckles his belt, and shoves Severus against the wall. He trembles, the anticipation of pain so acute that he feels nauseous. He knows better to cry so early on; it will only anger Pa for thinking he had raised a pansy son. He braces himself and prepares for the familiar crack of pain against his back.

But wait – his _wings_.

Pa sees them, and he loses it. He screams for Ma, and then Ma is there, eyes wide with fright. Pa is screaming at her, angry words that Severus presses his hands against his ears to block out. Pa grips him by his wrist and drags him over to Ma. He shoves Severus around, screaming and screaming. Severus whimpers; he doesn’t like loud noises, and he knows Pa will hurt Ma because of him.

Ma is trying to talk to him, but Pa rages. He slaps her hard, causing Ma to stumble. Severus shuts his eyes, hands clasped tightly over his ears. He can still hear him – _freak, whore, fuck, shit –_ all those words Ma doesn’t like.

He knows he’s the freak, and Ma’s the whore. He wonders if Ma did with God what Pa said he did to her.

He’s hyperventilating, twisting his hands into his ears and rocking back and forth. His lungs close up on him, and he can hear the rabbit pattern of his heart beat. He collapses to his floor and curls up on himself.

He can still Pa screaming and then the familiar sound of flesh hitting flesh. Severus flinches instinctively and then feels a hand on his arm, yanking him upwards.

He panics, thinking it is Pa, but it is Ma, lip busted and blood running from her nose.

“Go outside,” she orders. “As long as you can.”

Severus runs.

**********

He wanders the moor.

He is lucky it is spring because there are some berries he can eat. He throws some rocks to try to kill a bird or squirrel, but he misses. He sneaks back into town at night and rummages the dumpsters.

He finds three whole bags of stale but unopened chips and has himself a feast. Another night, he finds a half-eaten pack of Oreos. He doesn’t think he’s ever tasted anything as good.

He sleeps some of the day and some of the night. While it is spring, it still gets cold at night. He wishes he could undo the bindings on his wings and wrap them around himself, but he knows better. He shivers instead, fingers turning blue in the early hours of the morning.

He pretends to be a detective – like Sherlock Holmes. He investigates a mysterious pattern on the moor and decides it is aliens. He pretends to be a cowboy, galloping alone around the moor. He keeps an eye out for Indians, pistol cocked but doesn’t come across any. He spends a night as an astronaut, watching the stars and reporting back to Houston.

He’s already a wizard, so he doesn’t need to pretend he’s one. He mimics what Ma does and makes his own potion from some weeds and flowers and moss. He twirls it with a stick and pretends that by drinking it, he grows super strong. To prove his strength, he lifts a few rocks.

After about a week, he decides to go home. He likes being on the moor, but he misses Ma.

Ma opens the door on him and gestures him quickly inside. She takes him immediately to the bucket they use for the bath and pours water on him, rubbing harshly with soap. She frowns at the wings but then pats him on his head.

“Good,” she says. “You didn’t take it off.”

“No, Ma,” Severus replies, feeling elated at the praise.

“Promise you’ll never.”

“I promise, Ma.”

**********

He never takes the bindings off. It starts to hurt worse and worse, the muscles aching and degrading with inaction. Severus wonders how the other angels bear it. He wonders if they spend all day flying, and that way, their wings don’t hurt.

Only when Pa pushes Severus to the ground and he blacks out from the pain on his back does she take him deep into the moor and remove the bindings.

For the first time ever, Severus stretches them out fully. They stretch out about four feet on each side, black feathers shining despite the cloudy sky. Ma stares at them grimly, but Severus can’t bear to press them back, so he leaves them out.

His wings thank him, and he whispers back to them, like a good friend, that he’s sorry, but he has to do what Ma says. His wings understand, and Severus lets Ma strap them firmly to his back.

**********

Ma starts to take him out every month or so. Severus nearly hops in excitement whenever Ma does so. He likes disappearing deep into the moor. He likes stretching out his wings and letting the sun hit his feathers. He knows better than to ask if he could try to fly, but he lets himself imagine that he can.

On the walks out to the moor, Ma tells him about Hogwarts and about what must happen. He must protect himself. He must never let anyone know. He must not be brave or stupid. He must be smart and clever and keep his wings hidden from everyone for everyone will seek to use him if they know.

She tells him about the houses – intelligent Ravenclaw, loyal Hufflepuff, brave Gryffindor, and cunning Slytherin. After thinking about it, he decides Slytherin is what he wants. He has to be able to trick everyone into never knowing about the wings on his back. He thinks cunning will serve him best.

He tells Ma, and she nods. “Yes,” she says, “you must be cunning and clever. But the Slytherins themselves will not be your friends. You must not trust anyone. Do you understand?”

Severus nods, even though he had hoped he would have made a friend or two at Hogwarts. But he knows better than not to listen to Ma.

“I’ll start teaching you some spells. So that you can protect yourself. Hogwarts is not a safe place, and you must be strong. Do you understand?”

Severus does.

**********

She teaches him some spells, and he takes to them easily. He can feel the magic running through his wings and centering on his back, but he doesn’t tell Ma about it. Besides, he’s supposed to pretend he doesn’t have them.

She starts to teach him Occulmency, citing that it is the only way to keep secrets. Again, he learns quickly how to shutter his mind and clear his face. He likes this magic the best because then he doesn’t have to worry about crying in front of anyone anymore. Pa says crying makes him look weak.

She tells him more about Hogwarts, what he must do, and what he must avoid. Who he can, under no circumstances, trust. How he must pretend he doesn’t know anything that Ma teaches him. That he must never let anyone know about his wings.

Severus listens, and he learns.

**********

When he turns nine, he stumbles across what he thinks must be the most beautiful thing in the world.

Her name is Lily. She is a witch, like Ma, and she has these green eyes that open something in Severus. She has red hair that contrasts vividly with the dour grays of his life. She has a bright laugh and charming voice that Severus listens to greedily. 

She is so beautiful that Severus thinks she must be an angel. She must have wings, he thinks. Or if not, his are misplaced.

She becomes his friend, and Severus is so happy his magic causes the neglected garden behind his house to bloom. For a day, the fragrant smell wafts through his house and the fragile petals fill their windows with color.

Severus thinks he has found paradise until Pa takes weed killer to it. 

**********

Severus thinks about telling Lily about his wings. He knows Ma would kill him, but at the same time, Lily watches him so excitedly when he talks about Hogwarts and magic. He can’t help but lean back in pride, tipping his chin up with an assurance he had never associated with himself.

He can only imagine her face when she sees his wings and realizes just how amazing magic, and he thinks, blushing slightly, how amazing he is. He can see her shock and then amazement and awe, and how her bright green eyes would stare at him, and how he would stare back at something so beautiful it makes him feel light-headed.

He has never seen such beauty before, and Lily leaves him breathless.

He thinks deeply about it at night, weighs the risks and the rewards. He imagines what Ma would say and what Lily would do. He considers how nice it feel would be to spread his wings and let someone stroke his feathers.

Ma never touches his wings except to force them close to his back. He thinks it would be nice if someone would touch them gently.

He doesn’t think Lily would tell anyone. They keep each other’s secrets now for that’s what best friends do.

Severus has never had a friend before. He thinks it’s the nicest feeling in the world.

He considers it for a while and decides to wait for the perfect opportunity. He has to tell her someplace private, someplace no one else would see. She won’t go out deep into the moor with him – her parents had warned her of the danger of getting lost or breaking a leg and never coming out again.

He can’t convince her to go out there, but he does manage to get her next to the lake and in the shade of the weeping willows. He thinks this place is good, and he has just finished telling her more about Hogwarts.

The idea of her hands on his wings is so powerful he feels dizzy with it. He opens his mouth to tell her when -.

_Petunia._

He does make that branch fall on her, even if he denies it to Lily. The opportunity is lost due to her stupid muggle sister, and for the rest of the summer, he doesn’t try again.

Then, he goes to Hogwarts.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I've had this idea lingering around for a while, and I decided to start writing it. While I had initially planned for a one-shot and to be finished it relatively quickly, it stretched out farther than I had anticipated. The story will follow Severus Snape through the first and second war with the what if of having wings.
> 
> It also seems to be the start of an elemental quartet that I've been considering - stories inspired by the elements of earth, fire, water, and air. As you can imagine, this is Air. I've started working on Water, and the idea for Earth tantalizes me. Fire is still undecided, but I hope to think of a good prompt for it. All exciting stuff. 
> 
> Update speed will be uncertain until I can get through my studies - I plan to try to get at least one chapter up a month, with a bi-monthly goal. If I finish this story I may update faster - but as of now, I can't say for certain. 
> 
> Please leave any thoughts/comments you had on this - I always love reading them! Thank you xx


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